Becoming a Professional Life Coach by Patrick Williams & Diane S. Menendez

Author:Patrick Williams & Diane S. Menendez
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: W. W. Norton & Company
Published: 2018-03-28T16:00:00+00:00

COACHING, EMOTIONS, AND THE RISE OF POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY

Emotions, the root word of which comes from e-movere, or to move, are critical to coaching because emotions predispose us to specific actions. A depressed person is predisposed to inaction; a joyful person wants to embrace what is there. Knowing the patterns of our emotions and where they dispose us to go becomes critical to coaching for change. We sometimes describe emotions to our clients as energy in motion . . . e-motion. That is a reframe that allows feelings just to be accepted, normalized, and shifted.

Since the 1980s researchers and writers have been interested in emotions, studying them under the guise of emotional intelligence and focusing on how emotions effect thinking, decision making and relationships. Daniel Goleman has been by far the most popular writer on this topic, importantly connecting emotional intelligence to leadership success in his book Primal Leadership. Goleman’s body of emotional intelligence includes both personal and social capabilities and is strongly influenced by the context of work and organizations:

• Personal capabilities include emotional self-awareness, accurate self-assessment, self-confidence, empathy, organizational awareness and service orientation.

• Social capabilities include self-control, trustworthiness, conscientiousness, adaptability, achievement orientation, initiative, developing others, inspirational leadership, influence, communication, catalyzing change, building bonds, teamwork, and collaboration.

When Goleman first wrote in 1995 about emotional intelligence, he verified what executive coaches had known about emotions from their work with leaders. With relief, we reviewed his core principles behind emotional intelligence:

1. Emotions influence thought, decision making and success in life (particularly organizational life) to a far greater extent than has been previously recognized.

2. All human beings are born with emotional intelligence to a greater or lesser degree, and this innate emotional intelligence can grow over time when it is supported by nurturing and developmental activities.

3. Emotional intelligence applies to the self and to others. Self-awareness is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence, and to the extent one is not self aware, one is unlikely to be aware of others. Empathizing with others and communicating with others skillfully depend on the ability to empathize and understand others’ points of view.

4. Emotional intelligence is a critical cornerstone of successful experiences working with others; it is particularly vital to those in leadership positions.

While any of the emotional intelligence dimensions may become a focus for the coach, coaches commonly work in the emotional dimension when conflict and differences emerge, generating intense emotions that can persist if the conflict goes unresolved. Books and tools like Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When the Stakes Are High (Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler 2011) provide roadmaps for having a conversation that clears the air. What the coach also needs to provide is a framework to help the client understand the source of the emotion’s intensity, and some strategies for self-soothing.

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